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Innocence is wasted on the young. As we grow older, we learn the world isn't the squeaky clean playground we grew up believing it to be. The glossy veneer cracks, and we start to see the equivalent of a caravan of ceepy windowless vans filled with lollipop-luring sickos lurking in the shadows. Things start to get real adult, real fast, and there's just no going back to the blissful ignorance of our younger days.
It's a phenomenon that occurs in every generation. Kids hear a song on the radio, they like the rhythm or the music, and suddenly they're shocking adults everywhere by parroting the X-rated lyrics in crowded, conspicuous places. Just a few weeks back I saw a little girl at the mall merrily humming to herself, eventually segueing into, "Let's have some fun/this beat is sick/I want to take a ride on your disco stick." Needless to say, her mother was less than pleased. Mama Gaga looked generally mortified as she tried to convince her sweet little kindergartener to keep that one to herself, but she should at least be comforted by the notion that her daughter didn't mean a word of it. The little girl likes Lady Gaga because she styles her hair like Minnie Mouse and she assumes Gaga's mom doesn't force her to wear pants. It's not a philosophical alignment, it's a matter of naive juvenile taste and general wardrobe envy.
Like that little girl, so many of us likely humiliated our parents by singing what we thought were our favorite songs in busy public spaces filled with their tongue-clucking judgmental peers. We didn't mean anything by it; we didn't even marginally comprehend what we were saying. In fact, in many cases we got the illicit lyrics wrong, which made the songs all the more confusing to us as we got older and tried to unwrap their elusive meanings. For the longest time, I thought the lyrics to Ludacris's "What's Your Fantasy" were "Backseat, windows up/that's the way I like my truck." I was always sort of wondering how he could drive it if he was stuck sitting in the back. Honestly, I wasn't even that young when it came out, I just couldn't understand the words. When the song comes up on my iTunes on shuffle, I realize the entire song is a full-out graphic description. How I missed that one as a kid is a testament to the ramifications of abstinence-only sex education.
We all have those "Aha!" moments when it all comes together and we wash away the sweet innocence of youth. After reading up on some of these song lyrics, I feel like I need to wash away more than that; many of them may necessitate a cold shower. Maybe you were all far more streetwise than I at a young age, but I'm willing to guess there was some level of misunderstanding somewhere along the way. At the least, they were sure to have made our parents cringe hearing us singing along to these songs on the radio.
Crash Into Me (Dave Matthews Band)
What's more romantic than a song about a peeping tom? In his appearance on VH1's Storytellers, Matthews explained the song was about a guy watching a woman through her window. Sweet, right? The lyrics weren't exactly enigmatic; it all should have been pretty clear had I not been in elementary school at the time. I mean, "Hike up your skirt a little more/and show the world to me" isn't exactly great metaphor.
On an aside, Clear Channel Communications included this song on its memorandum to radio stations regarding lyrically questionable songs in light of the September 11th attacks. Abit of a stretch, right? It would be one thing if a song titled "Crash Into Me" was written from the point of view of a building, but this seems like an unnecessarily sensitive precaution.
Touch Myself (DiVinyls)
I know, this one isn't exactly subtle, but not all of us were savvy enough to realize two and two made four. I have no idea how this one got past the censors, but I distinctly remember doing a talent show dance to this song at summer camp. To be fair, it was the year Austin Powers came out and this was one of the few CDs our bunk had on hand, but really. We saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, but someone probably should have.
Closer (Nine Inch Nails)
To be fair, the radio edits on "Closer" were pretty extensive. Most of us had no idea that we didn't understand it until we heard an uncut version of the song. Looking at it from an adult perspective, it sounds to be about a man who attempts to escape his life through sex. "I want to feel you from the inside" should probably have been a clue, but I always thought "You bring me closer to God" meant it was a religious song.
Gin and Juice (Snoop Dogg)
I'm surprised there were any words left in the song once it was cleaned up for radio play. As a kid, I was almost positive I knew all the words to this song. It was only when I started hearing it at college parties that I realized all those muted-out spots from the radio contain actual lyrics. Who knew?
I'll Make Love to You (Boyz II Men)
Perhaps it's not so much that we didn't understand this one, but the fact that it was so inappropriately played as a slow dance song at bar mitzvahs and middle school dances. Who thinks this is a good snowball song for 11-13 year olds? I can just imagine the parents or teachers on the outskirts of the dance floor, looking on in horror as we swayed arythmically to this song. At least we were still at that age where a slow dance meant maximum distance between couples with awkward ramrod straight arms. We weren't considering the meaning, we were too busy trying not to notice the unfortunate height difference between the middle school girls and boys.
She Talks to Angels (Black Crowes)
This song definitely has a melancholy feel to it, even to a less-than-perceptive kid. Still, I never gave second thought to the meaning behind it. I just thought this chick talked to angels. Very spiritual, you know? Obviously it ran a little deeper than that, examining a woman who lost a child and turned to drugs for escape. After all these years, I never put that together. It's something of a revelation. I knew the song was sad, sure, but it runs much deeper than we ever could have realized as children.
Feels So Good (Mase)
No joke, here he is performing "Feels So Good" live on All That. For kids. Yes, it's an edited version, but those are 12-year olds rocking out in the front row
I distinctly remember buying this CD single in 6th grade and singing along to it at sleepovers with my friends. Someone would belt out, "Bad, bad, bad, boy, you make me feel so gooood" and the others would chime in on backup on "You know you make me feel so good, oh, you know you make me feel so good." We were pretty naive to the actual connotations of the lyrics, so I'm glad we could never quite understand the verses. Mumbling along is a whole lot better than hearing a 12-year old rap, "I'd hit everything from Cancun to Grant's Tomb." I still do rather like that that part that goes, "Do Mase get the ladies? Yeah, Yeah." It really is pretty catchy.
What's Your Fantasy (Ludacris)
Okay, okay, this one is pushing it. It came out in 2000, so there's almost no way any of us could have missed the subject matter on this one though we might not have been totally clear on all of the graphic references. This song got all kinds of specific. I'm still not sure I understand all of it.
Pony (Ginuwine)
I think they used to play this one at our local roller rink during birthday parties. I guess I should just be relieved that they didn't use it for a couples' skate. It's pretty explicit, so it must be a testament to the innocence of my 10-year old self. I'm not sure if they bleeped any of it or what, but my research (read: Googling) indicates that the chorus goes, "If you're horny, let's do it/ride it, my pony/my saddle's waiting/come and jump on it." Is it too embarrassing to admit I really thought it was about a guy and his pony? I was still at an age where owning a pony was the ultimate goal, so it's not that off base.
There She Goes (The La's, later covered by Sixpence None the Richer)
Upon first listen, this song sounds fairly innocent. According to the La's, it's strictly PG rated, but the rumors seem pretty convincing. "There She Goes" sounds like it's about a woman, but closer inspection of the lyrics gives us reason to believe it may be about heroin use instead. You know, "...racing through my brain/pulsing through my vein/no one else can heal my pain" and all that. The La's denied the rumor, and the public might be guilty of overspeculation, but it's definitely not something we would have picked up on as kids.
Anytime, Any Place (Janet Jackson)
Looking back, I think that the PSA-style caveat at the end of the music video should have tipped us off. It said, "Any time, any place...be responsible." To a child, that means pick up your toys and don't spend all of your allowance on ice cream. How were we to know it was a cleverly incorporated safe sex campaign?
They say you can't go back, and looking as these songs now proves that all too well. It's nice to think there was once a time when all of these references had yet to corrupt our impressionable young minds. We were free to sing out as loud as we wanted without having a clue what we were saying. Adults everywhere may have been horrified to hear us spewing this filth, but most of us were none the wiser.
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