The book is Would You Rather? by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg, two Bergs after my own heart in terms of non-sequitor absurdist humor. I am sure that many of you have previously encountered this book in some capacity and are unimpressed by my so-called "discovery" of a title that has lined bookstore shelves since 1997, but this will not stop me from touting its glorious hilarity and ripping off its general underlying premise in a completely copyrightedly acceptable way.
Without futher ado, I proudly introduce the frequency as-of-yet-to-be-determined Children of the Nineties feature, Would you Rather? (tailored 90s-style for your nostalgic enjoyment):
Would you rather...
Have the resourceful ability to conveniently stop time in a Zach Morris "Freeze!"-style fashion
or
Possess Alex Mack's toxic waste-induced mutant powers of transformation in a puddle of movable metallic goo, telekinesis, and long-distance electronic zappage?
Possibilities to Ponder: Ability to plead your case directly to the audience, chance to briefly rearrange others in compromising positions, short-listing for Capri Sun commercials.
Explain your reasoning.
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